Grief support
Sometimes it’s hard to know how to offer support to a grieving relative, friend or colleague. We may be afraid of saying the wrong thing, so we say nothing at all, which may leave the bereaved person feeling isolated and alone.
If you haven’t experienced the death of a loved one, you may have unrealistic expectations of how the grieving person should feel, or how quickly they should return to the activities of daily living or get on with their life.
There are many things you can do or say to help but remember that everyone’s experience of grief is different. Some of your thoughts and suggestions may be appropriate and others may not be. If you’re unsure of how to support someone who is grieving, ask them to tell you what they need or want. Just letting them know that you care and wish to help can provide great comfort.
Grief over time
Grief is a process, not an event. It doesn’t have a timeline, and it is not unusual for grief to be felt over an extended period of time – whether it be months, years, or even decades after the person’s death.
Some things to consider:
- Don’t shy away from the bereaved person after the funeral. Keep in contact, even just by phone.
- Never suggest that it’s time they ‘got over it’ and moved on with life. Appreciate that the person may continue to grieve in subtle ways for the rest of their life.
- Don’t change the subject if the deceased person naturally comes up in conversation. The bereaved person needs to know that their loved one hasn’t been forgotten. Use the name of the deceased person in conversation. Avoid using words like he, she or they.
- Remember, there will be days in the year that will be particularly difficult for the person to bear, such as anniversaries, significant occasions and the birthday of the person who has died. Be sensitive to these times and offer your support.
